Tony Roper I write about coaching for corporate career changers looking to leave the grind behind. | 30+ Years in Tech | 2+ Years Coaching | Certified Coach
When I was in my twenties, I learned a life lesson I'll never forget.
I was head down in the middle of a business transformation programme, and actively struggling to connect with my boss at the time.
Until one day, he gave me some important words of advice: I want you to **** ing lead more!
At first, I had a hard time hearing it, but as time went on, those words continued to stick with me. And to this day, I think about them often.
But not for the reasons you might think.
The problem was this was the antithesis of Coaching Leadership because the feedback was :
1) Vague
2) Provided in a dismisive tone
3) Lacking any examples of what the expectation was
4) A one way telling - not a conversation
The problem was I did all the wrong things with this feedback.
I didn't seek to clarify what he wanted. I didn't sanity check with my peers or other stakeholders what their feedback was. I took his version to heart. nstead of asking 'what does leadership mean to you, what does good look like? How can you help me get there?' Even worse I foolishly tried to model myself on his leadership style. Which was predominately aggressive and bang your fist on the table to get things done. The absolute anithesis to what I finally understood as my own dominant style of collaborative and coaching.
I was lost.
I was lost for a while trying to match up to someone else's idea of who I should be.
Counter to the title of this essay though - in the long run it WAS a great lesson to learn. Filed under how not to do things as I built up my own leadership style.