"Remove toxic people holding you back in life ", but what if the toxic person is you?

In 2016 I was trapped in an unfulfilling job in a suffocating town. I tried filling the void by getting drunk every weekend and surprise, surprise... it never worked. On Fridays I used to celebrate surviving another hellish week, then on Sunday nights began dreading the start of another.

It was a self-destructive cycle. I felt my life spiralling down the drain.

There just had to be another way.

Soon I started to think about what made other people happy. I wondered, what's the difference between those that have unlimited energy and optimism and me, someone who can't even get out of bed in the morning?

Then it hit me... I didn't have a purpose.

A purpose that makes you jump out of bed, consumes you, offers you a future, and no matter how hard you try - you can't stop talking about it.

I remember feeling overcome with jealousy. Not by other people's successes, but because they had their own passion project. I could see the spark in their eyes when they spoke about something they loved.

That's exactly what my life needed.

I wanted to find a direction, a WHY, a project to call my own. So I took a gamble...

I started learning a language in hope of an escape.

The plan was to retire in Spain when I was 60. The initial motivation was to live in a beautiful country with ideal weather, socialise with locals, discover traditions and most importantly, be at peace.

But I knew it wasn't going to be easy.

Back in high school I had a terrible time with languages. We studied French and German and yours truly was a constant headache for the teachers. I believed the "I'm bad at languages" excuse and convinced myself not to try hard during 5 years of classes.

But this time was different... Now I didn't believe the bullsh*t that I was telling myself.

I wasn't going to let my toxic internal monologue dictate what I can and can't do. It was time to start respecting myself. I needed this.

In the mornings I leaped out of bed to review flashcards, I listened to podcasts travelling to work and I wasn't shy about stealing some time from my dead-end job to try to read or use language apps... I finally felt a warm fire burning inside me again.

Change the way you speak to yourself, the results might surprise you.

Imagine my shock when I began progressing well... I was hooked! The more I studied, more the gamble paid off.

Spanish gave me back my future and MORE.

Fast forward to 2022 and my retirement plan didn't exactly work out how I expected... it turned out even better!

Now I've been living in Spain since 2018 and I've made monumental changes to my life:

• I speak Spanish every day with locals

• I changed my career path

• I overcame social challenges and gained self-confidence

• I married the love of my life (a Spanish girl who I would never have met otherwise)

It's safe to say life is better than it was 6 years ago. I owe it all to learning a language. Never under-estimate life's small decisions.