Starting to speak a new language is the Mount Everest to climb.
I suffered bouts of social anxiety even speaking my native language. Back in college it got so bad I used to throw up before leaving the house.
Although I controlled my anxiety a lot better when I was learning Spanish - I still felt the odds were stacked against me.
Stepping out your comfort zone is widely spoken about in self-improvement blogs, books and media. Motivational quotes such as “Do that thing you’re afraid of” is valid advice. You do have to face your fears because running away never solves anything.
But when they encourage you to take on scary challenges… they don’t give specific advice on HOW to do it.
It doesn’t have to be sink or swim.
Jumping in the deep end leaves you vulnerable to bad experiences which can affect your confidence and motivation.
I know this because I have sunk before. I went on a trip alone to Barcelona in 2017 having only studied Spanish for 1 year. I wanted to prove something to myself, and I did… the trip was too much too soon.
Numerous stressful situations led to negative thoughts and a lot of self-doubt entering my head. “Am I ever gonna get this?”, “Was all the time I studied for nothing?”, “Is this really for me?”
Put it this way, if you signed up to run a 10km race without any previous training. Would you attempt the race having done no preparation? Of course not!
You have to train your body and mind for a number of weeks/months with a training programme - start small and then gradually build up fitness required to complete the race.
Speaking a new language is exactly the same.
Your goal is to interact with people in your target language, but don’t pressure yourself to do this in the very beginning. Instead, why not dip your toe in the water to get moving in the right direction.
For me, the following 4 steps turned it all around.
Now I have conversations in my target language every day with friends, colleagues and including my Spanish wife who I met after overcoming my anxiety.
2 months ago I even did a groom’s speech in front of 100+ natives at my own wedding.
Let's go!
1) Speak to yourself
In this early stage you express yourself alone in your target language without the nerves of a social situation.
The astounding Hungarian polyglot Kató Lomb praised an “autologia” technique which involved speaking to herself throughout the day about her thoughts and ideas.
When you’re walking down the street, what can you see? Watching TV, why do you like your favourite programme? Going to bed, what did you do today?
BONUS: Try the “See, Think, Wonder” routine to take your ‘autologia’ to the next level… ⬇️
Another option is using a Spaced Repetition System (SRS) with a flash card application like Anki.
Once you have gathered the relevant vocabulary, perform vocal repetition drills which train your mouth and tongue to imitate the sounds of your target language. The muscles you use to speak are the same as any other in your body - they need practice and repetition to perform an action well. SRS is an effective way to make phrases roll off your tongue automatically.
Now a drawback is that there’s nobody to correct your errors yet. But this brief stage is to get the words ready to use from your head to the tip of your tongue.
2) Audio messages with trusted language partners
Once you feel more comfortable speaking it’s time to search for language partners. You can practice speaking through audio messages (on messengers like WhatsApp) which enable you to receive constructive feedback without a face-to-face social encounter weighing on your shoulders.
The good news is that partners are easier to find than ever. You can use language exchange websites/groups, social media or applications like discord or WhatsApp to meet all kinds of people. The bad news is that it might take some trial and error to find a partner or group you feel comfortable with and build trust.
5 years ago I was added to a Spanish/English WhatsApp group that is still active today. It was perfect for practising my speaking (and writing) without social pressure and receive welcomed feedback.
TIP: Celebrate your wins. Every time you interact with people in your target language - you’re one step closer!
3) Controlled environment conversation classes
The next move is taking the momentum into face-to-face or online conversation classes/exchanges.
In this important step you can talk about a whole range of topics in a controlled environment. A good teacher will give you honest feedback about pronunciation and explain any grammatical errors you have without the pressure from a social encounter in the real world.
I was lucky to find a teacher from Valencia in my hometown who I visited for 1 hour a week. Sure, I was nervous at first but before I knew it we’d broken the ice and I saw my confidence rising higher than ever.
(She even made me my first ever Spanish omelette!)
TIP: if you plan on travelling with your target language, ask your teacher to role play everyday situations. For example, checking into a hotel, booking a table at a restaurant or paying at a supermarket. Trust me, you’ll be happy you did!
4) Free interaction in the real world
The real fun begins when you’re flying high with confidence from the 3 previous steps.
Celebrate by using the language like you’ve always wanted and be proud of overcoming the obstacles that were in your way.
In fact, you won't even recognise the person you were before.
If I can do it, anyone can.