This essay has two parts. The first part was about explaining why it's so important HOW we give feedback. This part is about how we can actually give better feedback.

How can we give better feedback?

I reflected on my own experiences of receiving and giving feedback.

In what ways did people tell me their feedback? Which ones did I perceive as a good way? Which ones made a real impact on me? Which ones hurt me or "broke" me? How do I give feedback to other people (it's always important for me to be in harmony with the people around me)?

I thought a lot about these questions and came up with a manifesto.

Manifesto for giving better feedback

This manifesto is especially relevant for the way HOW we give feedback. The rules should be viewed in combination and not in isolation.

These are the 10 rules I found of giving better feedback:

♥️ BE EMPATHETIC

Always empathize with the person you are giving feedback to. Take care of their personality. Think from their perspective.

Ask yourself: How do they feel now? How will your feedback be received? How will they feel after that? What can you do, to make the person feel good?

👍 BE POSITIVE

No matter if you are giving positive or constructive feedback, always include positivity. Especially when giving constructive feedback, make sure to also say what was good.

Ask yourself: What went well? What are positive examples? What is the positive view of this situation?

🙏 BE HONEST & HONOURABLE

Don't give feedback to hurt someone or to take revenge. If you don't have the intention to truly motivate and cheer the person up (positive feedback) or try to help the person grow (constructive feedback), then maybe it's better not to give feedback at all. Try to be honest and honourable when giving your feedback.

Ask yourself: Can you praise the person with your feedback? Can you help the person to grow and improve? Do you have a true and honourable intention?

🤝 BE HELPFUL

Always share your ideas on what could be done better and how. If you know how to do that, don't leave the person alone with your feedback, but try to offer your help.

Ask yourself: How can you help the person to implement the feedback you gave?

🎯 BE SPECIFIC

Be as specific as possible about your feedback. The recipient later needs to work with and think about this feedback. Give examples, make it concrete, explain the context and why you are giving this feedback.

Ask yourself: Is your feedback comprehensible? Will the recipient understand it? Can the recipient implement it? Are your proposed solutions feasible?

🤔 BE CLEAR IN YOUR MIND

Be clear about why you want to give this feedback and if you are the person that should give this feedback.

Ask yourself: Do you really know it better? Are you the person that should give this feedback? Or should you leave it up to another person? What are your reasons for giving this feedback? Are these reasons appropriate?

🙌 BE RESPECTFUL

Always respect the other person and their opinion. Giving feedback should not be a monologue. Listen to the recipient, and answer their questions. Maybe the person doesn't want to hear your feedback at all.

Ask yourself: Do you show enough respect? Does the person want to hear your feedback? How do they respond to your feedback? What is their opinion?

💡 BE OPEN

Sometimes we are wrong with our feedback. As long as we had honourable intentions, this is not really bad. But always listen to the recipient and stay open-minded towards their opinion, knowledge and perspective. Maybe it turns out, the other person is right and we are wrong.

Ask yourself: Where is the difference between the person and you? Is your feedback based on facts or your personal opinion? Can you stay open-minded when exchanging your feedback?

🧘 BE CALM & OPEN TO EMOTIONS

Feedback is necessary for different types of situations. We should be aware of them. Sometimes, a person needs emotional feedback rather than rational feedback. When criticising someone, we shouldn't get loud or even shout at them.

Ask yourself: What is the situation like? Is it an emotional situation? Or an objective one? Does the recipient need emotional feedback or constructive feedback? Can you stay calm in an objective situation? Can you give emotional support in an emotional situation?

👌 BE OBLIGING

When, how and where we give the feedback often is important. Choose a context that is appropriate for the recipient to receive this feedback.

Ask yourself: When and where should you give this feedback? What's the best way to do it - personal talk, call, message, ...? Do you have enough time? Can you keep your focus on this?