I think we all agree, embracing the silence in conversations, video calls or meetings is hard. It feels super unnatural and embarrassing. So much so that you want to fill the void. I know the feeling, it happens to me too.

Here are a few things that I learned in my coaching training and through my leadership experience.

Don't see silence as a failure

Speaking from personal experience, whenever it was silent in my 1:1s I saw it as a problem. It is not. First step in embracing silence - get comfortable with it.

Be lazy and don't rush it

What? Yes, you heard me - be lazy. That is my advice. Be lazy with your advice giving and responding. Delay your answer for just 1 second. Try it. Then slowly increase the time you can hold your reply 😅 Also try to speak calmly. Don't rush into it and make everyone feel like you are recovering from this awkward silence moment. Speaking calmly signals that silence is ok.

Be curious

If you feel the urge to say something, hold it for a moment and think how you could be more curious. Instead of answering immediately or solving a problem right there, think about another question that could lead the conversation deeper.

Is it the right time?

If the other person is talking less than usual, or a lot of silence is happening. Embrace it. Maybe it is not the right time. Maybe the other person isn't in the mood. Accept it and show empathy. Say it out loud: "Maybe today is not the right time to talk about this, let's check in later".

Use written communication as a playground

Maybe you are having a hard time to embrace the silence when speaking 1:1 with someone. If so, try to use written communication like Slack or Email as an exercise. Instead of writing your reply immediately, use the steps above to play around.

How are you handling silence in conversations?