We are all capable of listening. Hearing what others are saying. That's easy. At least I thought so. When I transitioned from being an engineer to a leadership role, I had to re-learn what good listening is.

As engineers we get trained to give input, to solve problems. So, if someone comes to us asking for help, we immediately want to jump to it. As a leader this won't work. Constantly giving advice when it might not be appropriate isn't helpful. But you rather need to encourage others to share their opinions and listen well.

Here are a few things you can do to get better at listening more actively:

Learn how to paraphrase

Instead of jumping to answer a question or give advice, try to paraphrase what you just heard. Send it back to the other person in your own words. This will make them feel heard, and allow you to understand what is going on, on a deeper level.

Be curious

Asking questions shows curiosity and investment. It displays the other person that you really want to engage and figure out what is going on. This is one way to be more empathetic in a conversation. Asking "tell me more about it" might feel awkward but can lead to really deep conversations. Create space for the other one to share.

Clarify and be transparent

Make sure you share what your intentions are. Why are you asking certain things? Why are you following up? Transparency is key to build trust in a team, but also in a 1:1 conversation. For example. "Can you tell me more about X, because I like to understand the reason behind your message and feelings."

Be ok with silence

Sometimes we try to fill every void. We somehow hate when it's quiet in a conversation. But that moment of silence can actually be worth a lot. Give yourself and others time to think and sort your thoughts. Maybe you are talking about a very stressful topic, giving space and time helps to digest what has been said.