De-escalation is taking action to calm a situation or decrease the severity of a conflict.

What It Looks Like

• We typically think of de-escalation as settling down a conflict or argument. It can also mean lowering the emotional intensity in general. Like when you are helping someone go from overwhelmed by negative emotions (panic, despair, cynicism) to a calmer state. In both cases, the goal is to move from emotionally hot (anger, rage) or emotionally cold (depressed, sad) toward emotionally settled.

• Using both your words and actions to communicate a sense of calm and control.

• Seeking to help those involved turn their focus on the problem rather than on the other person or themselves.

• Assertively taking control of a situation when needed, including physically separating others or moving someone out of danger.

• Not letting your own emotions dominate you or the situation.

What It Doesn't Look Like

• Automatically assuming a soft, slow approach is best for calming down every situation.

• Automatically assuming a strong, aggressive approach is best for calming down every situation.

• Being emotionless yourself.

• Simply telling everyone to calm down.

• Forcing everyone to stay engaged when what might be best is a timeout.

How to Grow at It

• Pay attention to your own emotions. Develop different methods to calm yourself.

• Get to know your colleagues so you have a sense of what their normal emotional state is. Then you can be more aware of shifts. This also helps you develop trust so that you can intervene more easily when the emotional temperature shifts.

• Practice using a firm yet relational tone of voice. Ask others to help you notice if you tend to be too loud/harsh or too quiet/soft.

• Learn about your own conflict patterns. Do you tend to avoid emotionally tense situations? Do you tend to be aggressive when emotions rise? Knowing your patterns allows you to choose different responses in the moment.