Taylor Wallace

So you have an alcoholic or drug addict as an employee. What to do?!

If you’re in SMB, it’s not a matter of “if” you encounter an employee with a substance problem, but “when”.

How two guys in long-term recovery, handle drug and alcohol issues at our blue-collar business:

As a leader, sometimes I take out the trash, pick up the dog poop, and clean the toilets.

If you're never do that, how can you expect others to?

A thread on how to lead with the wisdom of a janitor...

On a recent road trip, my GF and I stopped at a rest stop.

The bathroom was disgusting. She told the young workers behind the counter.

"Tell the millionaire who owns this place."

He then proceeded to complain about how anyone could expect a roadstop bathroom to be clean...

But what's the difference between a road stop bathroom and your local coffee shop toilet, which probably has more poops per person per day?

Most local coffee shops are owner operated. The owner cleans the toilet.

One of my first jobs was at a small pizza parlor. On my first day, the owner took me into the bathroom with a toilet brush in hand and showed me the proper way to scrub.

"I'll never ask you to do anything in this place I won't do."

I thought about that every time I cleaned the toilet. That pizza shop was spotless.

It's stayed with me throughout my career. At my first startup, I took out the trash almost every day. I couldn't write code - but I never pushed jobs off I was unwilling to do.

Today I run dog daycares.

We have a lot of dog poop.

If I'm in a rush or out of poop bags, I'll ask a staff member to clean up a rogue pile of shit. But more often than not, if I see some poop, I'll clean it up.

My job isn't to clean poop, it's to find ways to grow our business so people that do clean poop with me can grow beyond that into higher roles.

But everyone starts with that toilet brush in hand like I did.

If the guy who owned that gas station showed up from time to time and cleaned the toilet, would his employees be more willing to do the same?

Would they see that maybe by taking pride in their work, they might some day own the gas station?

As business owners, we're constantly complaining about how "people don't want to work". Much of that is our fault. We're obsessed with optimizing and outsourcing.

We're building companies where employees are disposable and they feel it.

I cleaned that pizza shop toilet every day because it needed to be done. I never felt like my boss was asking me to do some job that was beneath him because he was a "millionaire".

We were a team, and I didn't know how to throw pizza yet.

Over time, I learned to cook. Someone else came in to clean the toilets.

I don't ever have to clean up poop if I don't want to - but that's beside the point. I want people to know that I can and I will do whatever it takes to make our company successful.

Treat your business the way you want your employees to treat it. Clean up the poop. Take out the trash. Clean the toilet.

If you lead with a toilet brush in hand instead of hiding behind your front line workers, people will follow you.

I love being right. And the way I do most things is obviously the right way to do them.

Everyone should drive with mild levels of aggression and only sit in the left lane when passing or going above 80mph.

The way I fold a shirt is how a shirt is supposed to be folded.

There is only one way to scramble eggs.

Until someone challenges me to cook eggs a bit differently.

I was once away for a week in the mountains with a group of friends that knew each other quite well. I was kind of the odd one out - many of them had gone to business school together or worked together for years. I was close with the organizer and decided to tag along.

Usually, when I’m away with a group of peers, I end up being the chef. My dad was briefly a chef, and I’ve cooked big meals for people since I was in college. I love traveling, hitting local markets, buying produce and meat, and whipping up elaborate feasts. The satisfaction of a group of people exclaiming how well I can cook is always such an awesome experience.

On this particular trip, I felt like the odd one out - but I could bring my skills in the kitchen to show them I had some value to add. But anyone that cooks knows that the way you cook is the way to cook.

When cooking for 8-20 people, you need a few sets of hands, even if you’re the chef. Sometimes those hands are quite useless. Sometimes they’re sous chefs - they too can cook, but they’re happy to focus on one dish or another, while I coordinate the meal. Other times, you’re faced with a bit of competition in the kitchen. Someone else also knows how to cook, and you’re faced with seeing how someone else creates and how it’s different than the way that I cook.

While I was focused on some bacon and Okra, someone else was working on the eggs.

“Here whip up the eggs, toss in some salt, pepper, and a bit of milk, put it on medium heat, and make sure to stir consistently to keep them fluffy,” I said.

“You may want to try something different…” mentioned my friend Karen.

My authority in the kitchen being challenged?! I’ve been cooking eggs since I was 10…this is how it is done.

“Don’t put anything in the eggs to start. Whip them up well, and then cook them on as low temp as possible. Stir constantly. It will take much longer, but you’ll have the fluffiest eggs ever. Then add salt and pepper at the end.”

My ego is reeling. This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. How dare someone challenge my authority? Didn’t they compliment my meal last night!? There is only one way to cook eggs.

“No…they’ll be fluffier if you cook them my way,” I said.

“I’m telling you, just try this…” said Karen again.

And they were the best eggs I’ve ever had.

Since then, I’ve cooked eggs Karen’s way. And every time I do, I think back on Karen, kindly and patiently teaching me a better way to cook eggs. With most things in life, when I demand to be right, I shut myself off from learning. If I can bite my tongue and remain teachable, I get to eat much better eggs.

Today marks 8 years without a drink.

In that time, I’ve been dumped and fallen in love. I’ve been fired and built an amazing company. Life has been up and down and insanely beautiful. I am so blessed.

But in case you’re wondering, here’s why I gave up the booze…

The way my mind works is “alcoholic”. I have what we call the “ism”. Realizing this allowed me to change my life.

Through some combination of nature and nurture, genes and conditioning, my brain becomes easily obsessed with anything that makes me feel good.

I groove habits quickly, and I have a hard time breaking them. Couple that with the spiritual angst of a lost teenager and you get a 16-year-old kid who fell in love with drugs and alcohol. I stayed in love until I was 25.

Maybe in the beginning I had a chance at becoming a normal drinker. If only I had moderated better… but I rarely if ever moderate anything, good or bad. I go all out, full force, no holds barred.

I believe that the “ism” is sparked by a lack of spirituality, a disassociation with anything bigger than myself. I focused on the “self” more than the world. I thought everything was happening to me and not for me.

If only the people around me would just follow my directions and conform to my vision for life, we’d all be better off! When that didn’t happen, it led to deep resentment that I only knew how to fix by getting drunk.

Then the craving starts.

Once I have one, I cannot stop. I have no off switch. I crave more until I physically can’t get anymore because I’ve blacked out, run out of money, been arrested, or physically placed somewhere I can’t get the stuff.

And even when I don’t have the immediate craving, I have the obsession of the mind. I think about the booze or the nicotine or the food all the time. I obsess over how I can enjoy it like a normal person without it destroying my life.

The craving and the obsession, driven by the lack of a connection to anything bigger than the self, make me alcoholic. Nothing more, nothing less.

Normal people don’t black out, think “that was so awesome, I can’t wait to do that again,” then think about little else but how to do that again until they wake up a few days later, covered in vomit, and think “I can’t wait to do that again.”

That is Alcoholism.

That is the “ism”, the trick of the mind.

The only way I’ve found that cures that is total abstinence and deep spiritual work. I need to first stop that behavior to arrest the craving and the obsession. Then I need to connect with others and stop focusing on myself.

I need to let go of my resentment that the world isn’t the way I think it should be. I need to humble myself before the beauty and power of the universe. I If I don’t do these things, I will wake up covered in vomit until I don’t wake up.

Over the past 8 years, I’ve met some amazing people that have brains like mine. More often than not, they are the doctors that run your hospitals, the lawyers that defend your cases, the people that build your technology, the educators that work with your children.

Alcoholism and addiction do not discriminate. They take from anyone that gets caught up in that cycle of craving and obsession. They destroy individuals, families, and communities until the real spirit can step in and reconnect the individual with something bigger than the self.

No matter who you are, where you live, or what you have done, there are those out there who would love to help you connect and work through your problems. Myself included.

If I have learned anything, it is that humans are capable of incredible change when we move past the self. When that happens, life remains up and down but becomes insanely beautiful. For that, I am eternally grateful.

Over the past 4 years, I've gone from a pack-a-day sedentary smoker to a crossfitter, marathoner, and half-ironmaner.

Doing hard, physical things is one of the best teachers. Here's what physical endurance events teach us about life and business.

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There are directions for most things you want to do in life.

I am not the first person to go from super unhealthy to marathoner.

By finding a tribe that has walked the path you want to walk, and following their directions, you can learn to do almost anything.

Get comfortable doing things you're bad at.

Keep doing them until you're less bad.

Eventually, you'll get good.

Run as far as you can every day, and after enough days, you'll be able to run really far.

It is highly unlikely that you will ever be the best at anything. With enough persistence, you can be in the top 1%.

1% of the world has run a marathon. While running, I get passed by guys with no legs and 70-year-old women.

But we're all passing those on the sidelines.

People on the sidelines all have an opinion. They don't matter.

When you're running a race, there's not a lot of talking. When you're building something great, there's little time to waste criticizing other creators.

The further you get from the start, the closer you get to the finish.

During a marathon, you count the first few miles and the last few. The bliss is in the middle.

When starting or finishing anything hard, we become obsessed with the distance. Find the middle.

Life is long and hard and much of the time we're enduring. If you settle into that, you can enjoy the run.

People die. Your toes feel like they're going to fall off. But the leaves are changing on the trees. The sun is out. You're doing a thing worth doing that few get to do.

Smiling for the crowds makes everything better.

We take ourselves so seriously. Runners have fancy shoes. Business people have nice suits. You'll have a lot more fun if you turn up the music, dance, and realize we're all just smart monkeys trying to make sense of it all.

Finishing is more important than finishing fast.

People always ask, "how long did it take you? How much money did you make?"

I tell them: "I ran, and it was awesome. I built a thing and I was proud of it."

When you're done, you'll realize that accomplishments are all a high. They last for a moment.

If you're running or building for the medals, be prepared to be disappointed.

Run for those who can't run. Build for yourself. Create out of love. That's how we find real, lasting joy.

If you enjoyed this, give me a follow @taywall for more content on endurance, life, and small business.

Question for #SMBtwit - what do you do when you hear a competitor is acting super unethically, causing yet-to-be-seen harm?

Want to become a runner? Run.

Here's the story of how you can go from never running to completing your first marathon...

First, you run/walk. You start with a mile or two, running for a few minutes until your lungs feel like they’re about to explode. Then you walk to catch your breath. When your ears stop ringing, you run for a few more minutes.

Then you run a mile unbroken, then two, plodding along, but feeling like you can do this. You don’t need to stop to walk anymore. You’ve learned to fall into a cadence that doesn’t make you feel like you’re about to have a heart attack at the half-mile mark.

You run a 5k. 3.1 full miles, without stopping. You feel great. You were never one of those 5k people, and now you are.

You start running almost every day. You stop thinking about whether or not you are going to run, you “just do it”.

You go to a running store for the first time and trade in those Nikes for a pair of Brooks. The shoes look like ones your grandpa would wear, but they make you feel like you can fly.

You start to push past the 5k mark, hitting some 7-mile days. You start to think: I’m a runner! Your body begins to hurt in ways you’ve never felt before. The pains are the good kind, the kind you asked for, the kind more intense athletes call “weakness leaving the body.”

You start to research running. You learn running as fast as you can for as long as possible is not a sound strategy for getting faster. To run fast, you need to run long and slow. You buy one of those fancy Garmin watches and start to read about training plans.

Could a marathon be possible? After 7 miles, you’re exhausted. 26.2 seems almost impossible, but so did a mile only a few months ago.

You decide to commit, and on a whim you sign up for a marathon. If you’re going to do this you need 100,000 people cheering for you in a place like New York City or Chicago.

You finally commit to a running plan. It tells you that in order to run a marathon, you need to do speed work, steady runs, and long runs. The speed work is the hardest - your watch syncs to the workout plan and beeps at you every few minutes, yelling at you to run faster.

You run a timed mile as part of your training for the first time since the presidential fitness test in middle school. Your time then was 10:00. You’re now capable of running a sub 6:00 mile. How did this happen?

Every weekend, the long runs get longer. You start at 8 miles, adding a mile or two every Sunday. You learn that you can’t run a marathon without eating or drinking. You try all the gross gels that taste like fancy baby food.

When you started running, people on the street didn’t notice. Now other runners give you a nod, and pedestrians often give you a look of envy that you used to give other people. Little do they know that you used to have that look too, and all you did was just start running.

Race day is getting closer. You’ve booked all your travel and accommodation. You’ve read up on pre-race nutrition. Two weeks prior to the race, you go on your longest long run: 20 miles. You plod along for hours, pushing yourself further than you ever thought was possible.

When you finish the long run, you lay on the floor for an hour, feeling a level of physical and mental exhaustion you’ve never felt before. But you’re smiling - realizing that if you can run 20 miles, you can definitely run 26.2.

Leading up to race day, you try to carb load and hydrate all week. You’ve been tapering - meaning the last two weeks of training have been light. Your body has been recovering after that 20-mile run, getting stronger, preparing for the distance you’re about to tackle.

You pick up your race bib. The convention center is packed with other runners - some looking like they’ve done nothing but run their entire lives, others like there is no way they will be able to finish a full marathon. All are welcome here who decide that they are athletes.

The starting line feels like a festival. Music is blaring, everyone is jumping up and down, trying to stay warm. Soon, it’s your turn to head to the starting line. It feels like hours as you walk through the crowds, and finally, the gun goes off. It’s time to run.

Crowds line the entire course. You imagine this must be what it feels like to walk into a stadium with 100,000 screaming fans. People call out for you and wish you luck, tell you that you’re awesome. The first 10 miles feel like nothing.

Octogenarians run walk beside you. Men in their seventies gallop with T-shirts exclaiming that this is their 25th marathon. A teenage girl with crutches pushes along the entire course. Fathers run daughters in wheelchairs. One man has an attendant carrying his oxygen tank.

By mile 22, you’re ready to be done. You’ve been running non-stop for over three hours. Every mile makes this the furthest you have ever run, further than you thought you could run. Your legs are beginning to cramp. You don’t want to be running anymore, but you can’t quit now.

Crossing the finish line is both a highlight of your life and mildly anti-climatic. You’re done. It’s over. You did it. They give you a blanket, a medal, and a banana. You need to poop. Like now.

When it’s all said and done, you look at the photos of you and hardly recognize the person in the pictures. Your concept of self has changed over the last year. You’re now a runner.

You’ve done something special, something not everyone can do. But at the same time, you know the truth: anyone could do this. All that remains is the nagging question that solidifies you are a runner: when’s the next race?

7 years ago, I couldn't stop drinking. There's a path that can help anyone struggling with substance abuse disorder:

• Connect with people in recovery

• Explore how your story is similar to theirs

• Take a decision and do the work

Here’s what I did to quit:

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#1: Connect with people in recovery.

When I was trying to quit drinking, I talked to everyone about my problems.

"Normal" drinkers shared stories of slightly overdoing it. They encouraged me to try " just one beer".

People in recovery shared how they drank. We have 20 beers.

#2: "Normal" drinkers don't obsess over whether or not they can drink.

When they overdo it - they're capable of dialing it back.

Problem drinkers are wired differently. We've grooved habit loops that often can't be moderated.

#3: People in recovery have stories like mine.

The more I heard about people drinking like me, the more I related.

I kept hearing over and over again that recovery was possible.

But for people like me, abstinence was the only path that worked.

#4: Talking about drinking ruins your drinking.

The more I looked at my behavior, the more disgusted I became by it.

It's hard to have fun at the bar when you're obsessing about whether or not you should be there.

#5: Hearing about a solution makes it feasible.

The more I connected with people that had recovered, the more I came to believe that I could do what they had done.

When I met a homeless drunk turned 30 years sober tech executive, I saw change is possible.

#6: Following the directions leads to change.

People in recovery kept saying the same thing: if I stuck with them and followed the directions, I could and would recover.

When I finally made the decision to do that, my whole life changed.

TL;DR - By following this path, I haven't picked up a drink since November 10, 2014.

• Connect with people in recovery

• Stop asking "normal drinkers" for advice

• Talk about your drinking to ruin your drinking

• Listen for a solution

• Follow the directions

If you found this thread valuable:

1. Toss me a follow for more threads on recovery and building a business stone cold sober → @taywall

There’s a sober aphorism: “spend enough time in a barbershop and you’re going to get a haircut.” If you hang out in bars, eventually you’re going to get drunk.

But what if you’re bald? And you really enjoy the people and the vibe of the barbershop?

I haven’t had a drink in 2,735 days and I’ve spent way more time in bars and clubs than I have in barbershops.

I’ve had way more haircuts than drinks in the past 7 years. That’s really saying something as I’ve got about 12 inches of hair.

Bars are about the booze. AND they’re about celebrating the human spirit, the beauty of connection, and shared experience. Just because you’re teetotaling doesn’t mean you need to forgo that joy out of fear.

Being spiritually fit and comfortable in your sobriety is akin to being bald.

When you’re comfortable with who you are and how you’re living your life, you can go anywhere and do anything without needing to change the way you feel by consuming a drink.

Just because you shave your head doesn’t mean you need to stop enjoying the camaraderie of the barbershop. If all your friends head there after work on Fridays for a clean-cut and you want to go shoot the shit, do it.

Just make sure you don’t have any hair for them to shave.

Because hair grows back, just as spiritual fitness can fade.

If you walk into the barbershop with a shaggy head of hair, your chances of wanting a haircut are going to increase dramatically.

If you’re feeling uncomfortable in your sobriety, chances are a lot higher that you’ll drink at the bar than you would at church.

If you’ve just started on your sober adventures, it’s best to stay away from the bar while you build that spiritual fitness, while you learn to deal with life on life’s terms. Early sobriety is like having peach fuzz when what you need is some Mr. Clean level shine. If your dome is sparkling, there won’t be anything to cut.

There's another saying: "sobriety delivers everything alcohol promised." Alcohol promised me a good time - sobriety delivers it wherever I go, including places soaked in booze.

I love and hate Los Angeles. I spent an amazing year living a block from Venice Beach, consistently amazed, inspired, and daunted. Five years later, I’m back for a long weekend, and I’m reminded that the creative energy here is unparalleled anywhere else I’ve been in my extensive travels to cities around the world. Talent abounds - and not just with “Hollywood” types, but with entrepreneurs, creators, and techies of all shapes and colors. With all this creativity comes unbelievable amounts of wealth. As is all too familiar in America these days, with wealth comes insane amounts of inequality.

Money is in your face everywhere in LA. The world’s coolest brands call this place home - from the All Birds and the Zadig and Voltaire on Abbot Kinney, to Versace and Rolex on Rodeo Drive. Look up real estate prices and get gobsmacked by what it costs to build a life here. Come order a coffee at Blue Bottle and taste how expensive simply being here can be.

Nestled between these trendy shops are endless tent cities. I saw countless people in my three days here that were clearly struggling with life, with the demons in their own minds. I saw a man picking up rocks in the middle of Santa Monica Boulevard, blocks from those trendy shops, his face caked in blood, half naked. He was a lost soul, and everyone, myself included, went about their day ignoring his insanity.

During my nearly two years living in California, between LA and San Francisco, I was baffled by the homelessness. I’ve lived in NYC, Miami, spent extensive amounts of time in Tel Aviv, London, Berlin, Moscow, Austin, etc. and there is nothing like the homelessness in major cities in California. I tried to read up on the issue, and was essentially left with: “it’s complicated.”

Meanwhile, Larry Ellison from Oracle is building a monster mansion on the cliffs of Malibu. Elon Musk made his billions in California...and is spending it on Twitter. I live well by the comparison of many, but I wield infinitesimally small amounts of power compared to the Elons of the world, those shopping on Rodeo drive, and those buying average homes in Venice beach.

I then remind myself that I left California, because I couldn’t figure out how to integrate into a community here. As a sober techie, if I couldn’t find a home here, what chance does the guy with blood on his face have? So get your shit together Cali, figure out how to turn that wealth into welcoming communities, because Florida can only handle so many of you moving our way before you realize how many guns we all have.

There are countless articles and tweets from experienced creatives screaming at those coming up in the world that you shouldn't do work for free. The narrative is tired: "Clients are the worst. They undervalue design/photography/writing and expect me to do work for free. Ugh. Why doesn't anyone appreciate my craft!"

I've made more money doing work for free than just about any other activity. And I've become a better creative and business person for it.

Free opens doors

There are plenty of organizations out there that need your help that probably can't afford you. I'm not suggesting you go do a bunch of free design work for Google - but that friend that needs you to copy edit their resume could end up being a big client someday. The best investors and leaders do this naturally. They serve up help and support as much as possible knowing that playing the long game and creating lasting relationships yields more value than any hourly contract.

Decide how to add value for free

Free doesn't mean you need to spend weeks creating something for nothing. Instead, learn how you can add value without a huge lift. Show as many people as you can how you think and how you work. It takes me almost no time to look at someone's work and offer them some insights. The people I know who demand payment for every interaction make the least. Those that offer value at every turn regardless of a contract are the most successful.

Learn to Set Boundaries

The most common complaint with doing work for free is that it sets a precedent that your work will continue to be undervalued. And it will be - by the wrong clients. People that actually value your work will pay you for what it's worth. I tell people all the time: if I want to do it, I'm really cheap. If I don't, I'm really expensive. That's me setting boundaries. For companies and people I love, I'll go deep for almost nothing. For those that are a bit tedious...they're getting what they pay for.

So you’re trying to get back to the US and you just tested positive for Covid-19? Fun times. Been there. Here's the situation...

The US is one of few countries still requiring a Covid test to enter the country for US citizens (and foreigners). So if you’re traveling abroad, know you’re still taking a significant risk that if you come down with Covid, you’re going to have a hard time getting home.

People fake tests...all the time...

I have talked to countless people that aren’t bothering to get tested. They’re simply taking old negative test results or test results from friends, swapping out some info, and using those to get on flights home.

I couldn’t find any evidence of US citizens getting caught faking tests. At the airport, your test results are briefly and sloppily checked by airline employees.

Rebook your travel for at least a few days out.

I didn’t want to deal with the anxiety of not knowing when I was going to get home, so I opted to just book a room for a week. This bought me some time not to stress how or when I was getting home.

You can ride it out and wait for a negative test result.

You only need a negative rapid test to get back into the US. I was on day 7 and still testing positive with no symptoms, so this can be painful. Stock up on some at-home tests from a local pharmacy, test yourself daily.

Get a doctor's note

A simple google search for “Covid Recovery Letter” will yield lots of teledoc. After symptoms are "gone" they’ll write you a recovery letter that will substitute for a negative test.

Most of these testing centers required negative tests to be from 7-10 days prior, but Evivia asked how old my symptoms were and they accepted a test from only 5 days prior as my symptoms started 10 days before I was slated to leave.

In the UK, there are no masks mandates in the airports or on planes. You don’t need a negative test to enter. Covid cases seem to be pretty rampant. They just shut down hundreds of flights there in the last week due to airline staff calling out sick....

Getting stuck abroad with Covid is not fun. Hope this guide on what to do helps the next sick and weary traveler. Good luck and happy traveling!